Numb
by thepeacockandthebutterfly
Summary: Both rejected, both broken, both crying in the arms of the other. The secrets that rip them apart threaten to ruin them, but they are destined for one another. Will they end up together, or will they break each other first?
1. Chapter 1: Engourdi

**Numb**

 **by thepeacockandthebutterfly**

He felt his heart freeze. An ice that had been creeping over him for years. Every time he saw her smile it was like a stabbing pain in his chest, and the ice continued to cover his heart. But he never thought it would lead him to here.

"Why do I always feel like I need you?" he cried into the darkness of night. Her blue eyes that captivated his soul and those sweet pink lips as they curved upwards in a smile. Her mask which shielded her from the world, yet opened her to him. They filled his mind, forming dreams and hopes and wishes. All of them out of his reach.

But unbeknownst to him, he was destined for another. One who shone like the sun she was, the same blue eyes, but she was cold like him. Frozen to the world because of an unrequited love.

His other half.

* * *

Adrien...I'm so sorry.

I never imagined that I was a burden to you, but now I see I've only been dragging you down.

I knew you always looked beyond me, idolizing Ladybug-me, my other half! But I could never tell you. There was never the right moment nor the right reason.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _"Leave me alone!" Adrien screamed, holding his head in his hands._

 _Marinette stood next to him, tears in her eyes, hands outstretched to him. "Adrien, please..."_

 _Adrien, looked up at her, furious tears in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?! I...I was your boyfriend!"_

 _Marinette froze at the past tense and fell to her knees, the world spinning around her. This wasn't possible. This couldn't be happening. "I'm so sorry, Adrien, I didn't mean for this to happen."_

 _She stayed near to him, hoping, pleading to whatever God there was that this was just a dream. Adrien got to his feet and began to walk away. He shot a withering glare at Marinette. "You know, I never really liked you. You were just the closest thing to Ladybug I could get."_

 _"All you were was a burden."_

* * *

Marinette...I didn't mean it.

But I can't lie to you, I am broken. I don't love you. I feel like I never did. I projected my love for Ladybug on you, and that was unfair of me.

It wasn't your fault.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _"Chat?" Ladybug asked uncertainly as she watched her partner rock back and forth on the balls of his feet._

 _He cleared his throat suddenly, seeming to come to a conclusion. "M'Lady, will you be my girlfriend?"_

 _"We both know that I'm not the only person, Chat," Ladybug laughed, not taking him seriously._

 _Chat dropped to his knees, "Ladybug, I love you. There is no one else who holds my heart like you do."_

 _Ladybug's eyes softened, but not with love, with sympathy. "Chat...I'm sorry...but you are not the one who holds my heart." Anticipating his heartbroken next words, she continued, "I'm not saying you aren't my best friend. I would date you, truly, but it would be a lie. I don't want you to always feel like you are second in my heart when you should be first."_

 _Chat dropped to his knees in desperation, pleading with her. "My Lady, please don't!"_

 _"Goodbye, Chat," Ladybug pulled out her yoyo and soared away from him._

 _He watched her go before curling up in the fetal position and crying._

* * *

 ** _A/N: Kind of a crack fic, kind of a beautiful story of two broken people. Short and sweet but worthwhile._**


	2. Chapter 2: Culpabilité

**Numb**

 **by thepeacockandthebutterfly**

She didn't quite remember what had happened when she got home. A feeling of overwhelming guilt had washed over her, drowning her in an ocean of her own mistakes and missteps. She was lost in the deep sea, finding herself wondering how the sun could make the water so blue and endless, and yet the storm turned the water black and angry. Swallowing any in its way.

"I'm sorry, Chat," she whispered, but her kitty didn't hear her. Her hands reached out, grasping for someone that was out of reach. Holding on to the thin strand of hope that everything was not ruined. Clenching her eyes shut alleviated the misery rolling in the pit of her stomach, but she knew the moment she opened her eyes the nightmares would come back.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _She fell to the ground as Adrien walked away, holding her shattered pieces together as if they would somehow fix._

 _"Why?" she whispered. But as the anguish deep within her heart swelled, so did her voice. "WHY?" she cried into the deep, bitter heart of her oppression._

 _She didn't know if Adrien had heard her, but she could feel something akin to satisfaction when he paused in his walk away from her. A tiny misstep, the slightest hesitation. Something showed that he did not want to walk away as much as he said he did._

 _Something inside her darkened then, opening her eyes to the horrible truths of life. Reality was unjust. Death was a comfort._

 _Love was a lie._

* * *

He was far away, in another house, in another life. The mask which gave him freedom felt too much like a burden now. He had never felt more alone.

His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke, cracked from the tears that had been dripping down his cheeks for what seemed like an eternity. Scratched by the cries of agonized rejection that poured from his throat.

A drip. A drop. Drip. Drop. Blue eyes. Drip. Drop. Blossoming red. Drip. Drop. Drip. Purple butterflies. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.

"Why did I let it all fall so far apart?"

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _His lady had left in a flash of red, soaring through the sky like the bug she was named after. A scarlet blur against the dark night sky. It drew his eyes, the emerald orbs lingering on where she had been before moving to where she was and then repeating._

 _And now, blue eyes stared at him. Eyes that captivated him just like the red-clad heroine who had so recently left him to cry in the streets._

 _"Will you be my girlfriend?" he suddenly found himself asking. It wasn't revenge. It wasn't irony. It wasn't an attempt to vent his bitterness on the girl before him who so greatly resembled Ladybug._

 _At least that's what he told himself._

* * *

Black leather suit glinted in the fluorescent lights adorning the lampposts that illuminated the cobblestone sidewalks. He didn't glance down, finding himself speeding to a house he knew well.

The smells of fresh cookies drew him in, pulling him in and holding him tightly. He peered in through a window to watch his Princess.

She was lying on her bed, face buried in her pillow. Her shoulders shook, and Chat felt a bolt of guilt pierce him. He didn't want to think that he had caused that. He didn't want to be the reason that this sweet, kind girl was crying.

She sat up, bloodshot eyes staring unfocused into the distance. Until they turned and met his curious orbs. She didn't smile, the corners of her lips didn't even move to quirk upward. They stayed set in a firm line.

Chat flung himself away from the window, not wanting to stay locked in the horrible pull of those broken eyes. He stared at the claw-tipped fingers of his gloves, not knowing what to do next. He didn't want to admit it, but he was lost. Lost in the past. Lost in the pain.

Maybe he was broken too.

* * *

 **A/N: Sometimes the pain we inflict on others is really pain that we feel ourselves. Cold and bitter but candid.**


	3. Chapter 3: Douleur

**Numb**

 **by thepeacockandthebutterfly**

Cacophonous sound assaulted her fragile mind, sending her spinning into a reality she was unfamiliar with. She was sinking beneath an oppressive weight of her own creation.

Marinette looked out her window instinctively, recalling the startled green eyes of her kitty as he had watched her cry. The slightest twitching of her lips was the only emotion that she showed at the memory. Guilt overwhelmed her.

She had let him fall this far. She had started this whole mess. With a few simple words she had brought the world crashing down upon herself.

And in retrospect, she should have realized this would happen.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _She remembered the brokenness of his eyes. The once vibrant green dulled to a color that more resembled moss than emeralds. A pain unearthed beneath them, revealing a hidden agony that he had tried to shut away. Only for her to drag it back up to the surface._

 _"Who made you cry?" a quiet voice asked._

 _She turned to see Adrien, and his eyes calmed the churning in her soul. He seemed on edge, but at the same time relaxed. He leaned in close to her, gazing deeply into the depths of her blue eyes. He was quiet for a while after that, unknown thoughts spiraling throughout his mind. And as she did not answer his question, he posed another one._

 _"Will you be my girlfriend?"_

 _She had never dared hope to hear that question. She knew better. With a clench of her jaw she found herself contemplating the request. Did she really want this anymore? It almost brought a sick feeling upon her as she looked into his eyes again. Those green eyes... Her mind raced, trying to match the color of his eyes to Chat's. And then she mentally berated herself for looking._

 _A wane smile crossed her face. "Yes."_

 _But the expression on his face at her answer sent chills down her spine. It was menacing, bitterness seeping to the surface. "Great, I'll see you in class," he said, finally, turning to walk away from her._

 _She looked down at her shaking hands, wondering why she didn't feel more happy._

* * *

Adrien groaned, pacing his room. The sadness in her blue eyes hung over him, a constant oppressive reminder that he had hurt her. A curse more than a blessing. He had confirmed that she was alright, but had only broken his own heart all over again in the process. There had been no warmth in her eyes, no more beautiful lights dancing beneath the surface of the flickering blue orbs.

And the red rims of his own eyes was his own mark of suffering. He had lost a piece of himself through all of this.

It was a wonder Hawkmoth hadn't come for either of them yet.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _Ladybug sat crying on the edge of the roof. He watched her shaking shoulders and felt her misery as if it were his own. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, to press a kiss on the top of her dark hair, to whisper soft words of comfort. To stop her tears._

 _But instead he was standing like an idiot, listening to her quiet sniffles and doing nothing. Finally, he approached her and plopped down next to her._

 _With a voice, raspy from disuse, he asked a simple question, "Who made you cry?"_

 _Her head shot up, sky blue eyes frantically seeking out his. A trace of fear lingered in her eyes, along with a thin layer of tears. "What did you just ask?"_

 _Chat frowned, not understanding her actions. "I asked 'Who made you cry?'."_

 _Ladybug reached out a trembling hand and buried it in his golden hair. She leaned forward and curled up next to his chest, crying into the soft leather suit. She shook almost uncontrollably, grief rushing over her._

 _Chat cleared his throat uncomfortably, placing a hand on her back and drawing her into a more comfortable position against him. He didn't want to feel warmth in his chest for her once again. Not after she had so cruelly shattered it the first time. But he couldn't deny that holding her close like this...it felt like home._

* * *

Chat found himself deviating from his normal route again, shoes finding their way to the Dupain-Cheng bakery once again. He didn't really understand what drew him to Marinette, you would think that breaking her heart would turn him away from her. And yet, she pulled him to her. He couldn't resist her. Even after he had hurt her.

But this time, Marinette was not sitting on her bed crying. Now she was sitting at her desk, pencil scratching a creamy sheet of white paper. He watched her draw, mesmerizing shapes spiraling out of the piece of wood she clutched between her fingers.

She looked up and saw him watching her. She blinked, long lashes brushing the very tops of her cheeks. And then a faint smile appeared on her face, the corners of her mouth twitching up almost unnoticeably. But he noticed. And it almost made him want to break out into a grin.

She beckoned him in with a small movement of her hand, lips moving to form the shapes of her words. 'Come in.'

Chat tentatively opened the window, stepping into the small bedroom, the smell of pastries assaulting him.

It smelled like home.

* * *

 **A/N: Sometimes guilt can bring us closer to others. A black hole that sucks them into our misery, accepting their own pain as our own.**


	4. Chapter 4: Mémoire

**Numb**

 **by thepeacockandthebutterfly**

He couldn't stop staring at her. Eyes that were as large as the sky and just as blue. Beautiful. Fathomless. A pure blue that was almost jewel-like in its radiance. It brought to his mind blue zircon and blue topaz. They were truly perfection.

Her hair was black, so dark that when the light bounced off of it, it shone blue. Sleek and shiny. He remembered when she had always pulled it into little pigtails, but right now it was a thick curtain, falling in waves over her slim shoulders.

Speaking of those absolutely bite-able shoulders, he found himself noticing the little sprinkle of freckles on them.

 _How many were there?_

 _1..._

 _2..._

 _3..._

 _4,5,6..._

 _7,8..._

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _Tears were a glossy sheen over her green eyes. And although they were bright with the salty liquid brimming in them, the eyes somehow seemed defeated, tired, ready to give up._

 _"Mama..." Adrien whimpered, reaching a hand out to touch her silky golden hair. The hair that matched his._

 _She shook slightly, struggling to move her muscles. But she smiled shakily, finally able to lift a hand to touch his cheek gently. He leaned into her touch, craving the last moments he had with his mother. "Shhhh my darling, Adrien, everything will be okay."_

 _He wanted to believe her, he really did. But the slowing beeps of her heart moniter told otherwise. They spoke of the rapidly nearing days where his mother would no longer be able to comfort him._

 _A salty tear dripped down his own cheek as he closed his eyes, the hot liquid making its way down his cheek. He didn't want to think about it._

 _"Adrien," she whispered, even the single word that she had said for 10 years a struggle to get out._

 _He opened his eyes, blinking away the haze of water that coated his eyes and eyelashes. "Yes, Mama?"  
_

 _"S-some day, there...w-will be a girl. T-this girl...s-she will be a...ray of l-light for you. P-please promise me...that y-you will ch-cherish her. For me...Adri." Every few words was punctuated with a stutter or a tired pause. As her body failed, so did her strength._

 _He could only give his mother his promise and watch as she smiled._

 _"I..l-love you..A-adri...en," she whispered, choking out the words with the last of her strength._

 _Another beep on the heart moniter._

 _1..._

 _2..._

 _3..._

 _4..._

 _And then a droning tone sounded as the heart moniter drew a straight line. Adrien, eyes full of tears, leaned and kissed his mother's cheek. But he had known that this would happen. And yet that knowledge didn't make this any easier._

 _She was gone._

* * *

Chat blinked his way out of the flashback, holding back his tears. It was like a fresh stab wound to see his mother's beautiful face, even in his memories.

Marinette reached up a hand to touch his cheek, concern swimming in her eyes.

But Chat, unseeing, still trapped in his memory, struck at her hand. The slap of skin on skin echoed throughout the room when Chat hit her.

"W-what?!" Marinette yelped when he smacked away her hand. The concern in her eyes quickly turned to anger. She knew what it was like to be pushed away like this. It wasn't the first time.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _She placed a gentle hand on Adrien's shoulder, noticing his shaking body. "Are you okay, Adrien?" she asked quietly, not wanting to startle him._

 _But he turned and slapped her, hand making contact with her cheek. "How dare you touch me, you monster!" he hissed, eyes unfocused, not seeing her._

 _Marinette gasped, stepping back, her own hand reaching up to soothe the angry red mark on her cheek that radiated pain. "Adrien, please!"_

 _But he turned and ran away from her, his eyes only seeing her as the image that haunted his nightmares. A black butterfly, purple streaking its wings. A haunting laugh. A masked man._

 _Marinette sank to her knees, beginning to cry. She kept trying and trying to comfort him, but all he did was push her farther away._

* * *

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Marinette yelled, suddenly thankful that her parents were not home.

Chat snapped out of his memory induced trance at her cry, horrified by the appearance of tears in her eyes. "Princess, Mari, I'm so sorry. I didn't-"

Marinette turned away from him, falling onto her bed and curling into herself. "Just-just save it. I don't want to see you right now." She looked up, meeting his shocked green eyes with her own teary blue orbs. "Please go."

Chat clenched his jaw, but knew that he had overstepped something. But he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, whispering, "I am sorry, Princess."

She only looked away from him, refusing to acknowledge his words.

And so Chat climbed out her window and fled the warmth of Marinette's room. He cast one last glance back at the light pouring from her room, longing to be back with her. But he knew he had hurt her...again.

* * *

 **A/N: The ones closest to us are the ones that hurt us the most, even if they don't intend to. It's a bitter truth of life, for we, in turn hurt them as well.**


	5. Chapter 5: Brisure

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 **by thepeacockandthebutterfly**

She didn't know why it hurt so bad. The logical part of her mind said that she was overreacting. But the emotional part of her was roaring with anger, furious at the way Chat had spat at her. Upset that the one person she thought would understand had pushed her away as well. Guilty because she knew that she had made him this way. Broken. It was as simple as that. Although it wasn't simple.

If you were to look up 'broken' in the dictionary, you'd probably find something along the lines of:

 **Bro·ken [ˈbrōkən]**

 **Adjective**

 **1\. Having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order.**

 **2\. (Of a person) having given up all hope; despairing.**

But that textbook definition was unable to capture the true feelings of being broken. It was like being tortured. Internal agony, a fate that you could not escape. Even though you knew the feeling would pass eventually, you also knew that it would return. There was always something to break you.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _Her favorite color had been green for as long as she could remember. It was calming and gentle, always soothing her. She felt the large bolt of green cloth sitting before her, the silky fabric slipping through her fingers, so fine that it caught on the slight calluses on her fingertips. But what she was really paying attention to was the jagged rip that ran through the cloth. It sliced from one side to the other diagonally, ruining the expensive material._

 _A tear dropped onto the cloth, soon followed by another and then another. She was sobbing then, her heart rent in two by someone's heartless actions._

 _"Why?" she choked out, hands going up to cover her ears. Another fat tear slipped out of the corner of one of her sky blue eyes._

 _She looked up at the girl who was standing in her bedroom. The girl she had called 'friend.' A quicksilver smile quirked up the sides of the girl's mouth._

 _And then the girl sneered. "Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I can't stand you. You don't deserve your talent, so I made sure you can't use it." And with those cruel words, the girl flounced down the stairs, a malicious smirk adorning her face._

 _Marinette just continued to cry, feeling broken and betrayed._

* * *

Adrien sat on his bed, staring off into space.

"Why can't I ever feel something other than broken?" he asked the empty room, Plagg having already gone to sleep. Adrien looked down at his hands, turning them over slowly in his lap.

"Why can't I ever do anything but hurt people?"

Adrien got up off his bed then, looking through his window at the street far below. It was so far away. He was sure that it would be a quick death if he jumped. Quick...he almost wished to step out of his window and let the wind wrap around him as he fell to his death. It sure sounded a hell of a lot better than living. At least better than living in the mess he had made of his life.

But blue eyes flashed before his eyes. Bright, the same color as the sky.

And he hissed, knowing that he didn't want to hurt her anymore. And committing suicide would almost certainly hurt her. And it would break his promise.

He sighed, placing his head in his hands. "What am I supposed to do now?"

The question rang unanswered through the room, reflecting his own confusion. His own brokenness.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _He had almost fallen off the Eiffel Tower...again._

 _Ladybug walked over to him and slapped him, leaving a red mark on his face. "Don't EVER do that again, Chat!" she screamed at him, tears running down her cheeks._

 _She turned to walk away, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her close, hugging her. "I'm sorry, m'lady," he whispered into her hair, feeling her quiver as her body was racked by sobs._

 _He saw the real fear of losing him in her eyes, and hated that he had been the one to hurt her. And internally he promised himself that he would never commit suicide, there were too many people he would hurt in the process._

 _But little did he know that Ladybug herself would place him at the edge once again._

* * *

"I have to apologize to her," Adrien said to himself. Conviction thrummed through his veins, filling him with liquid courage.

"Tomorrow," he told himself, "tomorrow I will apologize to her...for everything."

* * *

 **A/N: Sometimes it feels like the situation is out of our control, as if the only way out is to just stop living. But we must remember in those dark times that there is always someone that we will hurt if we were to die, even if it is someone you didn't expect to care.**


	6. Chapter 6: Résoudre

**Numb**

 **by thepeacockandthebutterfly**

Yup. He was going to apologize. Definitely. Of course. Sure. Obviously. Possibly. Maybe. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe tomorrow.

"I can't do this!" he snarled angrily, hands yanking at his golden hair. He paced on Marinette's balcony in front of her window, angrily muttering to himself. He didn't have the courage to apologize. Not when he hadn't even managed to apologize as Adrien...

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _He stepped forward, clumsily stumbling over his own feet. He was unsure about how this was going to go. How she would react. He imagined saying the words, running over them in his mind._

 _'I'm sorry.'_

 _For what? he sneered in his own head. You can't very much say ,'I'm sorry for breaking your heart,' he mentally chided himself._

 _But what he saw next drove a spike through his heart. He turned and walked in the other direction quickly, already pushing away the image to the far corners of his mind to analyze later._

 _He rounded the corner and ducked into a broom closet where he sat down, pulling his knees to his chest. A hot tear dripped down his cheek, the waves of sadness flooding him unwelcome._

 _"I'm sorry, Mari," he whispered in the dark, suffocating space that he was currently sitting in._

 _He recalled what he had just seen with a sickening feeling turning his stomach...jealousy? There was no way._

 _Marinette was walking down the hallway with Nathanael, her head tilted back as the sound of her melodious laughter filled the air. Nathanael was looking down at her with adoration clear in his eyes, a faint blush coloring his pale cheeks._

 _The only reassurance that Adrien felt was that Marinette's eyes hadn't held a similar adoration. They were dancing with the same happiness that they had around Alya or Nino._

 _Adrien took a deep breath, sinking further down the wall of the broom closet, scrubbing at his eyes angrily._

 _"Get a grip, Agreste."_

* * *

Marinette wasn't quite sure why she missed that stupid cat. He had hurt her. He had abandoned her. He had picked her up only to smash her into a million little pieces. It was too familiar to her previous breaks, reopening the old fractures until she was webbed with cracks, close to giving in. She knew all too well that she was broken and that even the strongest superglue or tape couldn't hold her together.

She stared at a spot on her pink ceiling idly, mind whirling with everything that happened. She wondered what would have happened if she hadn't rejected Chat before this whole mess. After all, she had fallen for him hard once Adrien dumped her.

* * *

- _Flashback-_

 _She wasn't quite sure why his eyes were so entrancing. They were just green. Actually, they should be painful to look at, seeing as they were almost identical to Adri-no don't say his name, she reminded herself. She had been so strong for everyone, putting up a semblance as if she wasn't broken. As if he hadn't broken her._

 _"M'Lady?" Chat's voice sounded as if she was underwater, barely able to hear him. She did, however, register the warm arms that wrapped around her. She sniffled, realizing that her face was wet with tears. "Shh, just breathe," Chat whispered in her ear._

 _She turned her face into his chest, letting him hold her close and comfort her._

 _Finally, her quivering sobs died down and he asked, "What's wrong?"_

 _"You know the guy I rejected you for?" she asked, not noticing the way his arms tightened at her words._

 _He sighed. "Yeah."_

 _"H-he dumped me...just left me in the hallway, crying because he was hurt and wouldn't let me help him a-and he said he was just USING ME!" Her voice had risen to a wail as Chat stroked her hair and held her._

 _Chat was momentarily reminded of Marinette crying right in front of him-because of him, but he pushed that bad memory aside, along with the vivid image of Ladybug rejecting him. "Well, he should know that he is the unluckiest person in the world because you, m'lady, are perfect." And he meant every word. He might not be the one who held Ladybug's heart, but he sure wasn't going to not help her when she needed him._

 _Ladybug hummed contently, feeling an odd sense of comfort and security in his arms. It felt right to be with him like this. And for the first time, she found herself regretting ever rejecting him._

* * *

Marinette shook her head slowly. "Why did we do this to ourselves?" she asked the emptiness of her room, but really she was directing it at herself and Ladybug and Chat Noir and Adrien and everyone.

A steely sort of resolve flooded through her bones, gifting her with immeasurable courage. "I want to tell him how I feel," she mused.

It was too bad that she didn't think it would go over so well with him.

It was too bad that she didn't know how happy that would make him.

* * *

 **A/N: I've always hated being honest with myself, but, to be honest, you hurt yourself more by telling lies. Lies are the root of every pain we will ever go through.**


	7. Chapter 7: Meurtrier

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 **by thepeacockandthebutterfly**

She was crying again. Tears that rolled down her cheeks and pooled in a small puddle on the floor. Her own head was resting on the floor, hence the placement of the teary puddle. She sniffled, the smell of cookies and other sweets rising up from the rug that her head rested on. It should be like home to her, but she had never felt so out of place. She craved something else. Something to fill her veins with coursing fire and adrenaline.

She grinned suddenly, sharply. The expression was somehow perfect for her face, despite the echoing hollowness of it.

She drew her transformation, letting the rippling pink wave of energy cover her like it had a million times before. It was only after she was transformed that she felt that coiling energy rising up within her. Courage and strength.

And fear.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _She had fallen again. But she struggled back up to her feet, eyes burning with a blue-hot flame. With a smooth gesture, she wiped away the blood that had dribbled down her chin and lunged forward. Her yoyo spun in a brilliant arc of pink light, lashing out at the akuma. She gave the attack her all, striking blows that were backed by inhumane strength._

 _"Give me your miraculous, little girl," the akuma hissed, revealing pointed fangs and a slithering tongue that poked out. Snake-like._

 _Ladybug glared at it, wrath rising up in her. "Never," she growled, bringing her yoyo up again and spinning it with a deft movement of her nimble fingers. The string wrapped itself around the akuma's neck and began to tighten, turning its face an alarming shade of red. It coughed after a long moment, bloodied mucus spraying from its mouth._

 _"Nice try, little girl," it rasped._

 _Ladybug only tightened the string, not realizing until too late what would happen._

 _The akuma's face purpled and it, in a sudden show of desperation, clawed at its throat in an attempt to loosen the yoyo's fatal grasp._

 _But she was unmoved, keeping her yoyo tight. An odd cold had seeped into her bones throughout this battle, steeling her to complete her task. Deep inside, she knew that the akuma was dying, but the icy fire that tickled her belly would not allow her to move._

 _And then the akuma took a last heaving breath before collapsing, its fingers twitching for one moment before stilling. Death._

 _She had never thought she would be exposed to human mortality so early in life. Horror rose up, but it was quickly snuffed out by the knowledge that she had to complete her task._

 _She broke the item and purified the butterfly, working quickly to repair the damage caused by the akuma. Even the man on the ground began to move again, life restored by the lucky ladybug swarm that had rushed through the city._

 _But Ladybug had already left to go to her favorite place. She sat on the roof there, trying to calm herself. She told herself that what she had done was necessary, but it did not make it any better. She dry-heaved, eyes tearing up with guilt and misery._

 _She had taken off her miraculous after that battle, swearing off the mantle of Ladybug until she was morally ready to accept it._

* * *

He was still trying to persuade himself to move. To lift up his feet that felt like heavy stones and take steps forward. But his stupid limbs refused to obey his mental commands, stubborn to the last. Pinned in place by fear and guilt.

He looked up to the night sky just in time to see a pinkish blur speeding through.

 _Ladybug._

He tried to think back to the last time he had seen her. It had been months. She had just vanished after that last meeting...where she told him what she had done.

A sour, sick feeling filled his mouth as he remembered the panicked look in Ladybug's eyes. He growled at himself, letting his own transformation rippled around him. He needed to make sure she was okay. She was his partner, after all. His other half.

 _But Marinette..._

He shook off all thoughts of the small bluenette and her balcony and her tears, choosing to focus instead on the strong bluenette that he trusted with his life.

 **Had** trusted with his life, he reminded himself. Past tense.

* * *

 **A/N: What if you could fix every mistake you've ever made? Would fixing the mistake take away the guilt?**

 **(More information on this situation to come)**


	8. Chapter 8: Rancune

**Numb**

 **by thepeacockandthebutterfly**

Life was such a fragile temporary thing, she knew this now.

She had known that life was fragile, had cradled a infant in her arms. Marinette still remembered the feeling of cradling the weight of a life in her arms as she kissed the baby's brow and shook the mother's hand. It had felt so precious then, holding a child that had so much potential to achieve so much.

That baby had died.

But not because of her. Even though she could have easily snuffed out that small flame while wearing her Ladybug suit, she had never thought herself capable of taking a life.

Apparently she was wrong.

* * *

 _-Flashback-_

 _She tightened her yoyo string's hold on the man's neck, a sudden surge of power rushing through her. It thrummed in her veins, this heady knowledge that she held life at her fingertips._

 _The string tightened._

 _Unmoved, Ladybug watched as the akuma's face turned a dark purple from asphyxiation. The akuma, despite all its earlier bravado and mockery, desperately clawed at its throat in an attempt to breathe. Giving into an animalistic panic as his eyes rolled back in his head and his nails dug into the skin of his neck, unable to budge the string of the yoyo._

 _An odd cold seeped into her bones to join the icy fire of adrenaline that tickled her belly. It was too late to stop, even as she watched the akuma thrash in its ghastly death throes._

 _And then the akuma took a last heaving breath before collapsing, its fingers twitching for one moment before stilling. Darkness enveloped the soul as it moved on into the next life._

 _ _Acidic horror rose up in her throat, tainting her mouth with the foul taste of bile, but it was quickly snuffed out by the knowledge that she had to complete her role as Ladybug.__

 _She broke the possessed item and purified the dark butterfly, her lucky ladybug swarm rushing through the city and working quickly to repair the damage caused by the akuma. The magic of the ladybug defied even death, snatching the dead man on the ground back from its clutches, the man beginning to move again._

 _Ladybug raced away, trying to calm herself even as she dry-heaved, eyes welling up with guilt and misery._

 _She had just taken a life, and nothing could justify that awful thing._

* * *

Marinette stared at the black earring nestled in her palm, hating herself for what she had done. What kind of monster was she to have stolen away a life from this earth?

Resentment pooled in her heart, aimed straight at the very person she had once loved with all of her heart.

"Adrien...you drove me to this point," she whispered hollowly, "all I ever did was love you."

She got up from her bed shakily, moving towards her mirror. A burning hatred scorched through her suddenly at the sight of her own image in the glass. Her fist flew at the smooth surface, cracking the mirror. Her other fist followed as she punched the mirror until it lay in large shards all over her painfully bright pink carpet.

And then the anger left her in a rush, leaving behind only deep guilt and remorse.

As well as the new spark of a grudge setting a fire within her. She just wanted answers, wanted to know why Adrien had broken her down when all she had ever done was glue back together his shards.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **If you did something so terribly against your moral code, would you try to place blame on someone else?**

 **Every one of us will encounter the loss of a life at some point in our lives, such is how life works, but few of us will cause the loss of a life.**


End file.
